Chatty update (again!)

Heyooo!

!!Trigger Warning!!

I honestly feel like I haven’t really sat down and just blurted stuff out in ages, which is why today you’re getting yet another chatty update. The past few months have been hectic and such a blur and I genuinely don’t think that’ll be settling down anytime soon.

I haven’t really shared anything that I really and truly was proud of this year apart from a few posts, boy talk, of course being one of the posts I’m majorly proud of, but I really and truly haven’t felt like a good blogger in a while because I couldn’t bring myself to write as much as I used to. In saying that I don’t mean putting out a million posts a week, I mean that, the posts I did write were incredibly short and I have never in my life written a long post, apart from my Get To Know Me|Q+A|REFLECT WITH ME, but the posts were incredibly short and it annoyed me to bits but at the same time it was the best I could’ve given you all in the head space I was in. And don’t ask what type of head space it was coz I still have no clue. The past 8 or so months have honestly been such a rollercoaster and I feel like my writing was definitely a reflection of that and it’s always been really obvious how many times my mood changed as you were reading one post but honestly, I was just… such a mess.

To quickly summarize the past few months of 2018, so you understand a bit more about what was going on, I’ll start with January, I guess.

I started the year off in Australia on holiday and because I couldn’t get a flight back home sooner, I ended up going to high school two weeks later than everyone else. I was in boarding school for the first 3 months of the year and it was a really traumatic experience for me. I was severely depressed and suicidal and I went though long periods of dissociation and it got to this point where, I pretty much, just stopped talking. I didn’t try in school at all, I couldn’t have cared less about doing my homework or doing classwork or paying attention in class and it was really scary to say the least.

April came around and after having a major breakdown at my boarding school at around 10pm, the school called my Mum. I’m not going to go into much detail because the last thing I want is to trigger anyone but I was scared for my life and I was absolutely hysterical, which is understandable given the situation. My Mum ended up having to come fetch me at around midnight and about 5 days later I was booked into rehab for numerous things but self-harm being the main one.

Around this time in April I didn’t really post anything because I didn’t have my phone and I was very much focused on learning to manage… life, I guess. I was put on medication and the suicidal thoughts went away and I began to talk again, thanks to all the lovely people I met in rehab who helped me learn to love myself again and helped me find confidence again, I still have a really hard time talking to people but it’s definitely a lot better now than it was.

I got out of rehab and one of the first things I did was write a letter. It was a letter for someone who had broken my heart multiple times and I still cared and still do care about quite a friggen lot actually. It was definitely one of the longest things I have ever written, anyway, I sent it off and long story short I sent it off to this person and ended up shattered again, not because this person did anything wrong but because I felt like I had made a huge mistake and I relapsed.

The next few months after that were very… confusing. I had no idea what I was doing with my life and it was just really frustrating. I started Klexos during this time (my other blog), it was this blank canvas that I could make a mess of, and I did, because nothing I felt like saying seemed good enough for this blog at the time.

We’re just gonna fast forward to today, what’s already happened, and what I think is happening and because tbh when am I actually ever certain of anything?

-I moved countries (this happened like 3 weeks ago and I thought was on holiday but nope)

-That means I’m starting at a new school with a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT curriculum and might possibly have to redo Grade 8 (I’m not quite sure how I feel about that yet)

-I’ve just discovered that I can write as much as I used to (and that feels fantastic!)

-I’m capable of making friends (after the whole boarding school experience I was really unsure of the possibility of me ever making deep connections with people, something I’ve always struggled with but, even more so after that HOWEVER lately I’ve been talking to some people and they’ve become really special to me and I’m not completely hopeless in the friends department after all)

-I wanna bring back Girlboss/ Guyboss but have it be completely updated and different just AMAZING

-I wanna share more writing on here (you can now go check all of my poems in the writing section at the top of the home page)

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That’s about it for this post really, I hope you enjoyed it! It was really just one of things I needed to put down in physical form, lol this is an online platform but nvm you get the point. Love you loads!!!

xxxChips

You are limitless

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GET TO KNOW ME ||Q&A|| REFLECT WITH ME

I’ve been feeling so inspired lately!

giphy-downsized

You can find out why here

Recently I realised that you all know a lot about me but at the same time you don’t.
(Lol,I’m an actual walking contradiction), which is why I decided to do a Get To Know Me, Q&A and Reflect with Me all in one gigantic organised mess of a post.
So this is one of the posts I’m most proud of and I’ve had so much fun doing this and I hope you love it as much as I do.
Dedicated to:
My husband( Cheesecake)
(Claire laughs because she saw the cheesecake dedication coming from a mile away and everyone else just shakes the head and smiles because they’ve gotten used to the level of crazy I’m at)
& Brianna (because our Twitter messages complete me and I love youuu and cheesecake plans before we get old are coming soon and I want to write A-Levels because I’m extra. Love you my beautiful❤️)
& Claire (I love youuuuuuuu so much, thank you for the endless support and emails and love and just everything!! I was going to put a giant emoji but they don’t look big on WordPress so this was the best I could do❤️. Love you loads beautiful)
Also I would highly recommend getting yourself some cake while reading this or coffee but I’ve banned all of you from eating cheesecake; you have to ask me first.
Yes, that was a joke. I would never deprive anyone of the most basic need:cheesecake.
However, I would like to state before we begin that nobody is allowed to marry Cheesecake apart from me. Once again I’m joking, just sleep with one eye open, in case of ‘accidents’…
Also this is like the longest post I’ve written EVER! And I’m hella proud of this one, and I’ve said that already but hopefully my weak attempts at humor actually make you laugh.

I'm most proud of...
Finding the courage to let go of a toxic person in my life, becoming confident in myself and finally feeling confident enough in my writing to call myself a writer. (Claire was like 99.9% responsible for this! PS:I love you)

Who inspires you

This is literally going to turn into the post I wrote a while back about how much Claire has changed my life. Claire’s been such an inspiration to me from day one. She’s my writing buddy and my role model and best friend all at once! She’s encouraged me to chase my dreams and her writing is beyond sensational. Plus she makes me grin so much that my face hurts and laugh bucketloads.

Priorites atm

I’m focusing on being happy. Manifesting. Achieving. Dreaming. It took 1 chapter of an incredible book to send me into this burst of happiness that I feel might be everlasting. I’m beyond inspired, beyond excited and I’m so ready for my dreams to become reality!

My legacy

I want to inspire people. That’s all I want. I want to give people the push they need to go for it, to achieve their dreams. I want to make people happy and make people laugh but I want to be a reminder, to all the little girls and boys who feel broken beyond repair, because I’ve been there and I’m not afraid to admit that sometimes I still feel that way but I’ve realised just how incredible I am. I’ve realised that yes, parts of me are broken but broken things can still be beautiful. And you are beautiful and kind and deserving and badass all at once and anytime something I write makes you smile or laugh or feel happy; that’s everything and more to me.
I want to remind you all that my tweets,DMs, email is ALWAYS open for anyone who wants to talk. Like I’m for real can we please have a two-hour conversation about the day I got married to cheesecake. You are not alone. I’ll always be right there, ready to send countless memes and cheesecake references and give advice and listen. I’ll always be here for you, DON’T EVER FORGET THAT!
I love you. And I hope that someday, if you don’t right now, love yourself too.
I know this sounds super weird but I really really want to talk to more of you, like your comments literally make my day and the bloggers that I’ve talked to on Twitter so far, like I’m literally clapping for you, you make me laugh so hard and my favourite potato almost made me die from it, btw I love you if you’re reading this.
All my socials are at the end of this post for those of you who wanna chat xx

which animal would be most terrifying if it could speak

Like, I literally didn’t even have to think about this one, the answer is cats. Like I can’t see one without having heart failure and jumping onto the back of the nearest person there is *viewers read this and finally understand what Chips meant when she told the story of being dropped into a thorn-bush*
Hence my almost-death, the really cute picture from that night is onmy Instagram it’s the one with me and one of my best friends and we’re both wearing black, and glow in the dark Mickey Mouse type ears and our tongues are out and it’s literally my favourite photo ever, that was one of the best nights of my life with my best friend and that alone made it incredible!
Okay, apart from you now knowing about how I was dropped into a thorn-bush, I want you to know I will not hesitate to tackle you in an attempt to get to safety if I see a cat.
BEWARE OF THIS: Kids, make sure to buy yourself one of this American Football type helmets-you don’t think you need it now-trust me you will.
Disclaimer: Lol, but like for real I’m not even kidding if you’re ever walking with me somewhere, please just put your safety first, I’ll leave some links to American Football helmets down below for those of you who would like to live a long -concussion-from-tackling-due-to-cat-attack free life.

what am i avoiding coz of fear

Cats.
what do you wish to do more of
Eat cheesecake.
Like guys, I’m serious. I actually need help, please send cheesecake though, that’s all the help I need.
Pfft I don’t have an obsession with cake *she says in an incredibly high voice*
I’m actually being serious here, if you’re not buying me cheesecake we can’t be friends.
Lol I’m totally kidding but if you send me cake emojis that totally counts,my best friend ‘bought’ me three ice-creams coz there was none at home like can we please just take a moment to appreciate #actualfriendshipgoals

have you ever taken karate

I took it for like a week when I was in grade 2 but I stopped a week after I realised I wouldn’t be chopping wood with my hands anytime soon, that was literally all I was there for, like I’m not even joking. Dudes but for real I’m an actual joke, lol but you a hot joke, true*Chips smirks and her mouth drops when she realises the world know knows what her conversations with herself are like, a combination of calling herself a joke and justifying it with her ‘hotness’ but for real I’m a sax, lol who am I?
Like I’m sorry I actually need to stop this question here because you cannot even begin to imagine the bit after that, which I left out for a very important reason, before you run away because you’ve realised I’m an actual weirdo, I promise I begin to appear more normal as this post goes on..
Brain: You do realise everyone knows the last sentence was an absolute lie?
Me: Shut up you pretzel!

can you whistle

I’ve been trying since the day I was born and I still flop miserably at it. Warning: In no way should you attempt to ask Chips to whistle if you don’t want to end up covered in spit.
Lol, I lowkey just realised I’ve been talking in second?third? person. This is how you know what her English marks are like on her school report; she doesn’t even know the difference between second and third person. Send a tutor, jk, I’ll be fine with just cake.

book i always reread

 I put more than one because these are my favourite books of all time, excluding like two books, Tigerlily- because I’m too scared to read it again coz it was sad, beautiful, tragic all up in one book( lol, Swifties got that reference) and Girl, Interrupted-because whilst the movie is my favourite movie in the /entire universe/world/ever/there is nothing better/I’m an actual joke/ bruv *looks at herself in the mirror disapprovingly* lol you thought it ended there *…calls herself gorgeous, smiles, and thinks about how much of a joke she is. A joke. But a hot joke.*

  • Okay what I was trying to say is whilst Girl, Interrupted is my favourite movie ever, I haven’t gotten to read the book yet because my local bookstores don’t love me or have it.

The Perks of being a Wallflower
The Catcher in the Rye
Milk and Honey
Stuff I’ve Been Feeling Lately

biggest fear

To be forgotten by a person I could never forget.

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So, firstly I’m 13 that translates to I’m broke af, I don’t have money. I’m 13, I don’t have a job, and I may or may not have spent the last money I had on 5 boxes of cheesecake. But if I had money I would give some of it to charity, because obviously I still need to buy like sweets and popcorn and cheesecake but apart from those basic necessities I would give the rest of the money to charity.

religion

Atheist.

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Love is Trust.

hardest thing to tell people

That I used to self-harm. Simply because every time I hear someone close to me self-harms I feel personally responsible, also it hurts me to see how hurt people feel because of it. For any of you going through anything, my messages are always open x
CALM HARM– App for those struggling with self destructive behaviour

zodiac

To quote Lil Wayne, ‘…on my Libra scale I’m weighing sins and forgiveness…’ .

food

I’ve been ranting about this for like the past…however many minutes it took you to read all this an answer is hardly necessary.

best compliment

My friend’s Mum said I should be a model. And I was there like:

breaking dungeons and dragons GIF by Geek & Sundry

And then I was like “Thank you so much ma’am!” because despite the fact that I was dying from all the laughter I had to be polite because my Mum was standing next to me and I have morals. I’m like 1.3 ish meters tall, and because I was curious I Googled calculated it all in my head because I can do math* And that’s like 4’2 and I don’t know how the whole foot measuring system works because lol, I’d have to understand math for that to happen. Anyway… I’m so short I may as well be a turnip! Like it took me 13 years before I was even tall enough to go on the “big kid” rides. I’m the size of a turnip and I could be a model!!!???! Mindblown! 🤯

Lolllll, I’m turnip goals!

jimmy fallon lol GIF by The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon

*Who does this chick even think she’s fooling?

Lets chat

I hope you enjoyed this incredibly long post! If you liked it feel free to share and leave a comment! This was really different to the normal blog posts I do, so let me know if you’d like to see more posts like this in the future xx

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Infinite X’s and O’s

Chips

Everything I’m Saying Goodbye To At The End Of 2017

Hey everyone

I hope you’re all having an amazing day

So today’s post is about being happy and how you can make 2018 a happier year for you. These are a few things that I’m saying bye to because I want to be a happier person, and I think that hearing this and thinking about how it relates to you might help you aswell.

-Forget expectations

I’ve spent the past two years listening. Listening to people go on and on about how I’m too ‘unladylike’; listening to people say untrue things about me and judging me.Nobody has ever been afraid to share their opinions about me, please don’t pity me because I really don’t care about what they think😂The hardest thing about growing up is that you’re supposed to figure out who you are. It’s hard enough with social media but even harder when everyone wants to share their own peanut gallery of thoughts about your life.Tbh I’ve never cared about expectations so why would I start now?

-Friends

Recently I said bye to one of my best friends.And no he isn’t dead.We’ve been friends for roughly two years now.We told each other everything, he was the first person to message me after a panic attack and make sure I was okay and the only person I wanted to rant about Shooter with.He was the first guy I genuinely cared about.When we decided it was better if weren’t friend a anymore it kinda broke me.Our friendship had been and always will be one of the best thing that ever happened to me and even though I wasn’t ready to say goodbye.It was time. I still miss him. I mean if you were trying not to have a panic attack while listening to Marvin’s Room you’d understand that better.What I’m trying to remember through all of this is that even though I’ve had to say goodbye to friends I love, true friendships will always withstand time and distance.

As for the fake ones? I handled them a loooong time ago.

sassy beyonce GIF

-Stop Holding On To The Past

It’s never easy to let go of the past because it’s what makes you you.You need to understand that whatever happened, whatever memory you’re trying to hold on to, is always gonna be there. Holding on to the past is only stopping you from living in the moment, from creating more amazing memories that you’re gonna look back on and smile about.
Goodbye past, I’ll be sure to visit soon.

-Comparison

You will always live in someone’s shadow if you constantly compare yourself to others. You are your own person. What good will pointing out how Sarah has longer, better looking eyelashes and higher cheekbones do?The first step to getting rid of comparison in your life is self-acceptance.Once you’re more than comfortable in your own skin you can truly start living the girl boss life you want for yourself.
Goodbye comparison you sure weren’t fun and you sure as hell won’t be missed.

-Fearing judgement

Fear can prevent you doing a lot of amazing things. In You Are A Badass, Jen refers to fear as the Big Snooze or BS for short.She’s completely right, fear is pressing the snooze button on all your dreams, It’s stopping you from achieving everything you have ever wanted to achieve.So I’m gonna challenge you to challenge one of your fears in 2018, do something you’ve never done before because you were scared.

 

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“And so together they built a life they loved”
xxxChips