FRIDAY 6PM

FRIDAY 6PM (1)

It’s been a hot minute since I last posted anything BUT I have an excuse perfectly good reason. I’ve had this idea in my head for a while now and I’ve been trying to tie up a bunch of loose ends surrounding it because when this launches I want it to be every bit as raw and real and incredible as I’ve been envisioning it for the past 2 months.

I started blogging because I needed a space where I didn’t feel restricted when it came to voicing my opinions and sharing my emotions and I found that, I found this amazing community of people who’ve changed my perspective about and opened my eyes to a lot of things.

I’m a better person because of those people.

From the very beginning, mental health was always something I wanted to talk about because it’s something very close to my heart and something I’ve struggled with for a very long time. Right from the get go I told myself that someday I would talk about my own issues, that, I would do it regardless of what anybody else thought because it needs to talked about. It’s something millions, if not billions of people struggle with and there’s still such a lack of understanding and awareness and of course, a stigma surrounding it.

Friday 6PM

~A series coming out in 2019 where I interview people~

We talk about things like identity, self care, loneliness, therapy, disability, high school experiences, stress, bullying, toxic relationships, friends, anxiety, depression, body image, middle school, self love and their lives(goals, who they are etc.)- that and pretty much anything else you can think of related to mental health or life

The goal, I would say, is to talk about the things that matter to us, to have a place where it’s okay to start a conversation and you don’t have to tiptoe around a subject. I can’t possibly do this alone though so, if you could:

a) Comment the name and links of someone you’d like me to interview, this can be anyone (that includes you)

and

b) Ask a question, about one of the above topics or any other question you want answered in the comments

it would mean a whole lot

xxxChips

Lets chat (4)

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MENTAL HEALTH

So I’ve haven’t written about Mental Health much and I haven’t shared my story with you guys and that is something that will happen eventually and it is a mess of a story, but right now that’s not important. This post is not about my depression/anxiety/mood disorder story, this post is about everything happening now, in the moment, in my maze of a mind.

So for those of you who don’t know I recently started boarding school, and we weren’t allowed our phones/laptops for the first few weeks of it so I apologise for my absence.

I hate it full stop

I don’t fit in. In the two brief weeks I’ve been there I’ve made some amazing friends and I’ve figured out who the fake ones are.The thing is… I’m not happy. I can’t focus in class, I don’t like the extra-murals, I don’t like the people(of course in saying this I mean some of the people, most, of the people).And the truth is, there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. I feel trapped. So trapped that I’m going to see a doctor sometime within the next few weeks for an evaluation.

I  can’t even blog at boarding school, do you realise that? Blogging is what helps with my depression, my anxiety and still when I write about something as simple as whether or not I’m A Feminist  people (my family)start the conversation about whether or not the content on this blog is too ‘mature’ for me when these are things they have a) discussed with me and b) things I will share regardless. I started this blog for me. I started it and it gave me a  space where I could voice my opinion and hear the opinions of others, I haven’t received a single rude comment since I started and obviously not all bloggers are that lucky. But the truth is when I start writing about my mental health story people are going to judge me, regardless of whether or not the responses are positive or negative, I’m being judged. It makes sense that because I’m so young and there are pictures of me on this blog that people wouldn’t want me to write about a topic that could impact my future so ‘majorly’.

I am not a genius so I can’t say that I won’t regret writing about my mental health story 20 years from now, but I don’t think I will and writing about my story and sharing it with other people is something I need to do.For myself. And it is really, really important to me that people understand that what they are going through, isn’t something they are going through alone.

……………………………………………………………

I feel in volumes

-Adria T Petrov

Confusion

Heyy guys,

Wow. This is actually kinda hard to type. It’s just…

So yesterday I was up watching Shooter till like around 11 and then I went to bed and I woke up at like 8ish(which is actually really late for me). I don’t wanna say I woke up in a bad mood but I wasn’t exactly in a good one either, so let’s just call this mood GYST mode coz I was feeling really productive and I wrote my to-do list and I studied made study notes for math and NS(science)and I was just having a great day! I honestly don’t even know why I’m in such a bad mood because I just bought another book, ‘Milk and Honey’ and I’ve been dying to read it ever since I first heard about it! I like, just got home and I watched a few Youtube videos and I was just like ‘Okay, time to do schoolwork’. And I like couldn’t if you get what I mean. The school term is pretty much over which means we’re pretty much done with the third term’s work but we’ve started term 4’s work because it’s a short and busy term coz of exams (we write 13 btw). I just feel so stressed, and I don’t even know why.And I honestly just want to cry, but I’m soo tired of crying and feeling sad . And uhhm… I’m kinda worried my term mark because I know I didn’t do well, and it’s so frustrating!!!Like I was soo angry at myself when I got my report back at the end of term 2 and I promised myself I would work harder, and I did and I tried hard, but it’s all just too much.Like tests and projects and homework and blogging and me wanting to start a Youtube channel, and I really don’t want to start moaning and crying about what’s going on but I just feel so stressed. And it’s like I can’t even think straight anymore. I just want it to stop. Like, where is the big pause button I need??? Like at what point… at what point does it all just stop!So what I said I would do, and this is going back to the schoolwork side of things is like catch up because I feel like I’m falling behind and I like was in 3  4subjects:

Math

Tech

NS

and Afr(Afrikaans)

So I borrowed my friends’ books and I got some textbooks from my teachers(they generally keep them coz our parents complain about the weight of our bags). But yeah I caught up and honestly, I know it’ll be worth it, not just like with exams coming up but like…I was awake till one and I don’t see the results. And now I’m crying again even though I said I wouldn’t but it really, it really and truly does suck.To sit at a desk till one working hard and catching up, failing a test and then sitting in class feeling so dumb for not understanding the work and begging myself not to cry in front of my class. And with Afrikaans, I work hard, and we get given tests and I don’t understand a single thing anymore.

I just feel so dumb.

And I’m sorry if this wasn’t the post you were expecting but I really needed to get this off my chest. And I didn’t know I felt all this stuff till I wrote it down so I’m kinda glad I did but I just want you to know that it’s okay to have flaws, it’s okay to be real with people. You don’t have to act around people, and if you have stuff going on talk to someone coz internalizing your feelings isn’t going to get you anywhere. It’s not going to help you.It’s going to tear you apart mentally and you won’t even understand why.

Uhm. I just want to say that whatever you’re going through, it’s going to be okay.

TODAY’S SONG:Orlando-XxxTentacion

I love you guys

-Chips