creatvity… well losing it actually

Inspired by: Abi

5d9902c40a99d35fb54fd629d9babcd1

I’ve recently come to the realisation that I’ve lost my muchness. Any Alice In Wonderland lovers will understand where that first sentence came from. Which is why I’m trying something new but also bringing back something old. I’m not sure how many of you saw my last post, you can find it here. But it felt a lot like me last year. It’s important to grow as a person but I’m not growing if I leave behind my roots. My creative side.

Since the start of this blog, I’ve planned less than a quarter of all the posts on here. And I love that. I love how I  sit down whilst watching Netflix, scoffing down popcorn, sprawled on the couch and then I write. Because I think a thought which makes think. About a lot of things and I end up with posts like this:

SO THIS HAPPENED…

Which make me really proud and happy. So I’m trying some new stuff, lol, I love how I’ll forget I said that in like two days and then remember like two years from now.

BUTTTT

I’m trying some new and not-so-new stuff and we’re going to see where it goes from there.

LOVE YOUUUS

xxxChips

Lol, when the only consistent thing in your life is your mood swings

 

Lets chat (4)

Instagram|Twitter|Wattpad|Pinterest

a few thoughts on 2018 so far

Basically things I’ve thought this year:

  • well dayummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
  • how did i end up in this mess
  • well this has been fun….
  • no.no.no.no.no
  • arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
  • excuse me while i go eat cake
  • some people change everything in the best way
  • take me back to middle school asseblief tog(please)
  • lol
  • hecticccccc
  • singing is fun
  • i should probably read sometime soon
  • well i’ve officially given up on planners
  • i’m turnip goals, lol
  • this is why i can’t take you to nice places lol (a conversation with myself after dancing weirdly in my room)
  • anti-social social club peeps
  • snapchat is so much better when you just post whatever you want
  • you suck at saving
  • you should probably save that
  • i’m off to buy R500 worth of cake byeeeeee (lol this is a lie, we both know i haven’t had money in my bank account since 1452)
  • you should probably find a hobby
  • i should probably stop finishing my aunt’s wifi
  • how do i always end up losing my lip balm
  • you don’t go out much
  • why am i always so tense
  • you really and truly are incapable of curling your hair
  • eating ice cream for breakfast is important and beneficial
  • you can’t even cook an egg, that’s just sad
  • you can’t cook period
  • that last bullet point sounded wrong on so many levels
  • lol, you’re strange
  • who knew having 18GB of music might be a problem in the long run
  • speaking or runs when was the last time you did one of those
  • does running to the fridge count

Lets chat

xxxChips

tainted feelings…

I seem to have lost someone incredibly important to me. Have you seen her? I’ve ruined our friendship and I don’t think she’ll come back. I don’t think she should either. I always get these surges of underlying uncertainty but really my brain keeps shouting at me all the things I already know like “You do deserve her!” “You deserve to be happy” and I don’t know how to feel about that. I know for a fact a few months ago I would’ve been bawling my eyes out by now but now everything’s tainted. Nothing is what it is. It’s always… less.


It’s like my feelings have been diluted with something I can’t even begin to comprehend. It’s not that I don’t feel motivated, but I can’t say I’m full of energy at the moment either. I’m not sad, I’m not angry nor irritated I’m just…not, anything. My feelings are so detached from me at the moment. The only time I truly feel happiness is when I get emails from a best friend of mine.

I’m not sure if I should post this or not. Only because my moods change so quickly, thanks mood disorder I love you so much😒 That I could post this now and feel completely different 5 minutes later. Ugh. This is all so confusing!!!

On the bright side I’ve been writing more lately I’ve written a few poems and started attempting to write a short story, I’ve finished watching a comedy on Netflix (an attempt to brighten my mood. Ps it worked) and spent some time watching my favourite childhood movie: Alice In Wonderland!

Do you ever feel like you grew up too fast. Not as in, oh my gosh the years have gone by so fast, it feels like only yesterday that I was in grade 1. More like I’m 99.9% certain that I’m a 30 year old in a 13 year olds body.

I seriously can’t remember a time I didn’t feel older than people the same age as me. Maybe that’s why I find it easier to have conversations with people older than me. Truthfully I forget, that I’m younger than some of my friends our relationships seem so different to my relationships with my peers.

I’ve always felt older than I am. Have any of you experienced this?

xxxChips

i’ve come to the realisation that…

This is something I’ve been thinking about for quite a while…

I’m not a typical blogger.

To be fair none of us are, lol.

I used to get so frustrated with myself because I wasn’t posting the type of things that got a lot of views aka. all the topics really popular bloggers were writing about. So like two weeks ago I sat down with myself and I said,

Also just a disclaimer: I call myself names a crap load of names, they are not words everyone would deem as ‘nice’ and it’s always been and always will be out of love for myself. Also I talk to myself and then lecture myself from other people’s POV’s and I can’t word things correctly at all lol, so I hope the next bit isn’t to confusing. Anyway… I sat down with myself and said,

“Listen hoe, you need to come to the realisation that you are never going to be like X, Y and Z. We both know you don’t care enough about fashion to be a fashion blogger and you can’t even put on mascara without poking your eye out so beauty blogging is out of the question. And will be for a very long time. You get so angry with yourself because you’re not ‘like’ them. Lol, bruv, have you met you you’re not like anyone, you’re like the cutest weirdo ever. There isn’t a single post on my blog that I regret posting, and I can proudly say that I am damn proud of every single post I’ve ever bloody written. You are never going to be like them. The truth is, I don’t want you to be. I want you to post about the randomest things that you feel like ranting about and use all the big words you’ve learnt and talk about things that I care about. But you’re a damn good writer, and a pretty awesome blogger too, and you’ve become friends with the some of the most incredible people on the planet. They know you.

The real you. And they accept you. For the weird, crazy, bubbly, loud-mouthed, strange, lover of big words and cheesecake of a person you are.

Best believe, that’s not changing for anyone.”

xxxChips

GET TO KNOW ME ||Q&A|| REFLECT WITH ME

I’ve been feeling so inspired lately!

giphy-downsized

You can find out why here

Recently I realised that you all know a lot about me but at the same time you don’t.
(Lol,I’m an actual walking contradiction), which is why I decided to do a Get To Know Me, Q&A and Reflect with Me all in one gigantic organised mess of a post.
So this is one of the posts I’m most proud of and I’ve had so much fun doing this and I hope you love it as much as I do.
Dedicated to:
My husband( Cheesecake)
(Claire laughs because she saw the cheesecake dedication coming from a mile away and everyone else just shakes the head and smiles because they’ve gotten used to the level of crazy I’m at)
& Brianna (because our Twitter messages complete me and I love youuu and cheesecake plans before we get old are coming soon and I want to write A-Levels because I’m extra. Love you my beautiful❤️)
& Claire (I love youuuuuuuu so much, thank you for the endless support and emails and love and just everything!! I was going to put a giant emoji but they don’t look big on WordPress so this was the best I could do❤️. Love you loads beautiful)
Also I would highly recommend getting yourself some cake while reading this or coffee but I’ve banned all of you from eating cheesecake; you have to ask me first.
Yes, that was a joke. I would never deprive anyone of the most basic need:cheesecake.
However, I would like to state before we begin that nobody is allowed to marry Cheesecake apart from me. Once again I’m joking, just sleep with one eye open, in case of ‘accidents’…
Also this is like the longest post I’ve written EVER! And I’m hella proud of this one, and I’ve said that already but hopefully my weak attempts at humor actually make you laugh.

I'm most proud of...
Finding the courage to let go of a toxic person in my life, becoming confident in myself and finally feeling confident enough in my writing to call myself a writer. (Claire was like 99.9% responsible for this! PS:I love you)

Who inspires you

This is literally going to turn into the post I wrote a while back about how much Claire has changed my life. Claire’s been such an inspiration to me from day one. She’s my writing buddy and my role model and best friend all at once! She’s encouraged me to chase my dreams and her writing is beyond sensational. Plus she makes me grin so much that my face hurts and laugh bucketloads.

Priorites atm

I’m focusing on being happy. Manifesting. Achieving. Dreaming. It took 1 chapter of an incredible book to send me into this burst of happiness that I feel might be everlasting. I’m beyond inspired, beyond excited and I’m so ready for my dreams to become reality!

My legacy

I want to inspire people. That’s all I want. I want to give people the push they need to go for it, to achieve their dreams. I want to make people happy and make people laugh but I want to be a reminder, to all the little girls and boys who feel broken beyond repair, because I’ve been there and I’m not afraid to admit that sometimes I still feel that way but I’ve realised just how incredible I am. I’ve realised that yes, parts of me are broken but broken things can still be beautiful. And you are beautiful and kind and deserving and badass all at once and anytime something I write makes you smile or laugh or feel happy; that’s everything and more to me.
I want to remind you all that my tweets,DMs, email is ALWAYS open for anyone who wants to talk. Like I’m for real can we please have a two-hour conversation about the day I got married to cheesecake. You are not alone. I’ll always be right there, ready to send countless memes and cheesecake references and give advice and listen. I’ll always be here for you, DON’T EVER FORGET THAT!
I love you. And I hope that someday, if you don’t right now, love yourself too.
I know this sounds super weird but I really really want to talk to more of you, like your comments literally make my day and the bloggers that I’ve talked to on Twitter so far, like I’m literally clapping for you, you make me laugh so hard and my favourite potato almost made me die from it, btw I love you if you’re reading this.
All my socials are at the end of this post for those of you who wanna chat xx

which animal would be most terrifying if it could speak

Like, I literally didn’t even have to think about this one, the answer is cats. Like I can’t see one without having heart failure and jumping onto the back of the nearest person there is *viewers read this and finally understand what Chips meant when she told the story of being dropped into a thorn-bush*
Hence my almost-death, the really cute picture from that night is onmy Instagram it’s the one with me and one of my best friends and we’re both wearing black, and glow in the dark Mickey Mouse type ears and our tongues are out and it’s literally my favourite photo ever, that was one of the best nights of my life with my best friend and that alone made it incredible!
Okay, apart from you now knowing about how I was dropped into a thorn-bush, I want you to know I will not hesitate to tackle you in an attempt to get to safety if I see a cat.
BEWARE OF THIS: Kids, make sure to buy yourself one of this American Football type helmets-you don’t think you need it now-trust me you will.
Disclaimer: Lol, but like for real I’m not even kidding if you’re ever walking with me somewhere, please just put your safety first, I’ll leave some links to American Football helmets down below for those of you who would like to live a long -concussion-from-tackling-due-to-cat-attack free life.

what am i avoiding coz of fear

Cats.
what do you wish to do more of
Eat cheesecake.
Like guys, I’m serious. I actually need help, please send cheesecake though, that’s all the help I need.
Pfft I don’t have an obsession with cake *she says in an incredibly high voice*
I’m actually being serious here, if you’re not buying me cheesecake we can’t be friends.
Lol I’m totally kidding but if you send me cake emojis that totally counts,my best friend ‘bought’ me three ice-creams coz there was none at home like can we please just take a moment to appreciate #actualfriendshipgoals

have you ever taken karate

I took it for like a week when I was in grade 2 but I stopped a week after I realised I wouldn’t be chopping wood with my hands anytime soon, that was literally all I was there for, like I’m not even joking. Dudes but for real I’m an actual joke, lol but you a hot joke, true*Chips smirks and her mouth drops when she realises the world know knows what her conversations with herself are like, a combination of calling herself a joke and justifying it with her ‘hotness’ but for real I’m a sax, lol who am I?
Like I’m sorry I actually need to stop this question here because you cannot even begin to imagine the bit after that, which I left out for a very important reason, before you run away because you’ve realised I’m an actual weirdo, I promise I begin to appear more normal as this post goes on..
Brain: You do realise everyone knows the last sentence was an absolute lie?
Me: Shut up you pretzel!

can you whistle

I’ve been trying since the day I was born and I still flop miserably at it. Warning: In no way should you attempt to ask Chips to whistle if you don’t want to end up covered in spit.
Lol, I lowkey just realised I’ve been talking in second?third? person. This is how you know what her English marks are like on her school report; she doesn’t even know the difference between second and third person. Send a tutor, jk, I’ll be fine with just cake.

book i always reread

 I put more than one because these are my favourite books of all time, excluding like two books, Tigerlily- because I’m too scared to read it again coz it was sad, beautiful, tragic all up in one book( lol, Swifties got that reference) and Girl, Interrupted-because whilst the movie is my favourite movie in the /entire universe/world/ever/there is nothing better/I’m an actual joke/ bruv *looks at herself in the mirror disapprovingly* lol you thought it ended there *…calls herself gorgeous, smiles, and thinks about how much of a joke she is. A joke. But a hot joke.*

  • Okay what I was trying to say is whilst Girl, Interrupted is my favourite movie ever, I haven’t gotten to read the book yet because my local bookstores don’t love me or have it.

The Perks of being a Wallflower
The Catcher in the Rye
Milk and Honey
Stuff I’ve Been Feeling Lately

biggest fear

To be forgotten by a person I could never forget.

would you give all your money to charity.png

So, firstly I’m 13 that translates to I’m broke af, I don’t have money. I’m 13, I don’t have a job, and I may or may not have spent the last money I had on 5 boxes of cheesecake. But if I had money I would give some of it to charity, because obviously I still need to buy like sweets and popcorn and cheesecake but apart from those basic necessities I would give the rest of the money to charity.

religion

Atheist.

trust or love.png

Love is Trust.

hardest thing to tell people

That I used to self-harm. Simply because every time I hear someone close to me self-harms I feel personally responsible, also it hurts me to see how hurt people feel because of it. For any of you going through anything, my messages are always open x
CALM HARM– App for those struggling with self destructive behaviour

zodiac

To quote Lil Wayne, ‘…on my Libra scale I’m weighing sins and forgiveness…’ .

food

I’ve been ranting about this for like the past…however many minutes it took you to read all this an answer is hardly necessary.

best compliment

My friend’s Mum said I should be a model. And I was there like:

breaking dungeons and dragons GIF by Geek & Sundry

And then I was like “Thank you so much ma’am!” because despite the fact that I was dying from all the laughter I had to be polite because my Mum was standing next to me and I have morals. I’m like 1.3 ish meters tall, and because I was curious I Googled calculated it all in my head because I can do math* And that’s like 4’2 and I don’t know how the whole foot measuring system works because lol, I’d have to understand math for that to happen. Anyway… I’m so short I may as well be a turnip! Like it took me 13 years before I was even tall enough to go on the “big kid” rides. I’m the size of a turnip and I could be a model!!!???! Mindblown! 🤯

Lolllll, I’m turnip goals!

jimmy fallon lol GIF by The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon

*Who does this chick even think she’s fooling?

Lets chat

I hope you enjoyed this incredibly long post! If you liked it feel free to share and leave a comment! This was really different to the normal blog posts I do, so let me know if you’d like to see more posts like this in the future xx

end bit.png

Infinite X’s and O’s

Chips